Boost your empathy

By Kate Cross

It is frighteningly easy to get caught up in our own worlds. The New York Times once reported that “more and more, we live in bubbles”, associating with people “who look like us, vote like us, earn like us” and so on.

The problem is, in doing so, our capacity to empathize shrinks.

But given that empathy is fundamental for healthy human connection, it’s worth building, and the good news is you can.

First, what is empathy

According to John Malouff*, Associate Professor from the University of New England’s School of Psychology, “empathy has three parts”.

The first is “understanding the emotions of others”, the second is “feeling their emotions” and the third is “stating to them what we think they feel”.

“These three parts are the cognitive, affective, and behavioral components of empathy [respectively],” he says.

Psychologists argue that empathy plays a significant role in all kinds of relationships throughout life.

Daniel Goleman, an internationally known psychologist, writes in a blog post, for example, that it is “a key to effective leadership”.

However, like most things, empathy can have downsides.

Clinical Psychologist Ryan Cole^ says that while “empathy and the desire to care for others is a good thing … some people have such a high level of care and empathy that they spend their whole life in service to others, and they neglect their own needs and desires in the process”.

For this reason, he says it’s important that we “be aware of what our needs are first before we invest our time in others”.

Cultivating empathy

If after some self-reflection, you are keen to be more empathetic, how should you go about it?

Associate Professor Malouff says that “by getting to know others well … travelling … reading about others and watching videos”, he has greatly increased his level of empathy.

To get started, he suggests the following:

• “First, set the goal of increasing empathy.”
• Actively look for emotions in others. Do you see happiness, surprise, disappointment, jealousy, envy, sadness, fear, disgust, anger? “The other people can be real people or fictional characters.”
• “Try to look at life as those other people do; try to understand their goals and fears, their values and emotions.”
• “When you observe a person having an emotion, say to the person what you think that emotion is. Observe the response. Judge whether you named the correct emotion. If you did, what clues did you use – speech content, facial expression, tone of voice, body posture, or something else?”
• “Notice whether the person responds positively to your attempt to show empathy and whether your efforts lead to a strengthening of the bond between the two of you.”

Practice self-care and empathy, and you might even make new friends in the process.

 

* Interview with John Malouff, Associate Professor, Faculty of Medicine and Health, School of Psychology, University of New England, 17 November 2020

^ Interview with Dr Ryan Cole, PSY.D, Clinical Psychologist at Brain & Body Integration, 11 November 2020